Veil of Winter by Melanie Dickerson

Author:Melanie Dickerson
Language: eng
Format: epub
Publisher: Thomas Nelson
Published: 2022-06-14T00:00:00+00:00

Fourteen

Elyce caught Sir Gerard looking at her again as they rode their horses down the cold, muddy road. She wished she could ask him what he was thinking.

The road to Prague was becoming crowded with people, forcing Elyce and her three companions to ride closer together. They encountered more and more villages along the road as well.

Was Gerard thinking about their kiss as much as she was? Did he wonder what would happen when this was over? She wanted to ask him how he felt about her. But that would be foolish. She might make things so awkward that he would leave. And she needed his help. More than that, she would be sad and hurt if he left, if he rejected her when what she wanted most was to know him better.

What if she gave up this mission and did exactly what she told Rodrigo she was planning to do—marry Sir Gerard and stay in Prague?

A lovely warmth cascaded through her at the thought of being Sir Gerard’s wife. But that was immediately followed by a sick feeling in her stomach at how her people would hate her, and rightfully so, for abandoning them and leaving them to King Claude’s tyranny. O God, I really am selfish! Forgive me. She could not, would not desert her people.

When she was a little girl, one of her nursemaids had told her, “Don’t be selfish. No one likes a selfish girl.” Then she’d scrunched up her face as if she smelled a rotten fish.

So as a child she had learned there were two unforgivable sins, things that would cause everyone to stop loving her: being selfish and showing too much emotion. But she didn’t always know when she was being selfish. And she hated being fake and pretending to think and feel something she didn’t.

How many times in her life had she hidden in her wardrobe, or in the darkness in her bed, and cried, careful not to let anyone see her? She’d hold in her anger or sadness or disappointment, then later, when she was alone, let it out in hot, bitter tears, ranting in her mind about things she was not allowed to speak out loud.

No one could possibly love her if they knew the kind of thoughts she had.

But how her heart ached with longing, yearning for someone to know everything about her. Even Ysa, who must know her better than anyone, did not truly know her.

Ysa was so quiet and gentle, so different from Elyce. Even when she tried to explain to Ysa how she was feeling, Ysa always gave her that look, with her mouth slightly open, forehead wrinkling, and brows lowering. It was not as bad as Aunt Winifred’s expression of blatant disapproval, but it sent Elyce the same message—that she was not especially lovable.

Sometimes Elyce sensed that Sir Gerard was just as emotional as she was, that he felt things strongly, much the same as she did. But that was probably just wishful thinking.

Still, the thought persisted as she observed Sir Gerard and Sir Oswalt together.

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